Believing in the Possibility of Change

Convincing clients of the possibility of change is central to the success of therapy. Often people do not need any convincing. The fact they have decided to come for therapy is evidence in itself of their belief that they can change.

But when someone has been suffering from a problem for many years it can be more difficult for them to accept that change can happen.

This is partly because the problem they are seeking help for has become more than a bad feeling or an unwanted behaviour – it has become part of their identity.

Overcoming the problem therefore means modifying their sense of identity –
which can be a challenging or even scary prospect. 

Early Childhood

Some forms of therapy are also responsible for inadvertently reinforcing the idea that ‘we are as we are’ and cannot change.

Because of the original emphasis placed by psychoanalysis on the importance of the past – particularly early childhood - in developing us as individuals, the impression can be created that we are defined entirely by events from our personal history. Like a computer, we have been programmed to function and to perform in certain unalterable ways.

Misconception

This, however, is a misconception based on a blurring of the distinction between past events in themselves, which cannot be changed or undone, and the learning which can be derived from those events.

In other words, our identity is not determined by what happens to us, but by the beliefs which we develop as a result of our experiences, and although those beliefs can be deeply embedded they are susceptible to change. 

Personal History

This is well expressed by the Robert Dilts, one of the key figures in the development of NLP.

He writes: ‘The important thing to remember about personal history is that you are not the content of the experiences that happen to you. You are your resources. That is the reality of life; not “I have to be like my past was.”

‘The reality is that I am the beliefs and the capabilities and the behaviours that I learned from my personal history.

‘So instead of repeating my mistakes I am learning from them.’

Old Photograph

It is of course the case that we can misremember past events. But even if we accept that the basic events of our lives are fixed in stone, that does not mean to say that we cannot change the beliefs which were formed as a result of those events.

Look at an old photograph of yourself. Are you the same person as you were then?